DTS Gathering: Glasgow,Scotland[Oct.28th-Nov.3rd]

After weeks of classroom lectures on different areas of discipleship, week six of our lecture phase of Discipleship Training School (DTS) marked our coming halfway to the completion of lecture phase. And I could not have more ecstatic to find out that we were going to Glasgow, Scotland for an entire week!
By this point, being one with a tendency to live in what I like to call organized chaos (and what my mother likes to call a hurricanes aftermath), I had already lost my DTS calendar and forgot what the weeks topic even was. As far as I knew was that we were going on 6 hour car ride to Glasgow for a "DTS Gathering" and that a group of us girls would be staying on a YWAM boat called The Next Wave.  The DTS Gathering consisted of all the other DTS's from other YWAM bases in England who all came together for a week of teaching and mini outreaches. To give us a little sneak peak into how outreach would be like. The whole thing had me so stoked. Not only were we going to have a week of lectured outside our classroom, but in Scotland, a place I've always wanted to go to, AND we'd be meeting  a whole bunch of other DTS students and I was going to stay on a boat. The boat thing was especially exciting for me because being from Santa Rosa in California and not really ever seeing the ocean unless we drive an hour or two out, to now living in the middle of England, any chance to see the ocean is a great treat. And not only was I going to see the ocean, but I was going to stay on it in a boat!

 Upon arriving though I found out what the weeks lecture's were going to be about. Evangelism. One of the most challenging things Ive faced while on DTS so far. Our school has done and continues to do,  evangelism once a week. Not any kind of evangelism, but straight up old school street "Hey how are you, can I tell you about Jesus?!" Evangelism. Basically it was the worst day of my week, beginning with gut wrenching fear and ending with non stop with "Woe is me, the worst Christian ever!"
As you can imagine I was already getting nervous at that point then I we all received name tags with our weeks schedules on them. And they looked like this:

I dont know how well you can see from your screen but I was mortified when I saw that there was outreach everyday. Yes, it was different in the sense that everyday we had a choice of what kind outreach we were going to do. There were a lot of creative ideas like treasure hunting, where your pray for God to give you a picture of someone then going out and finding them on the street. Say One For Me, where you go out with these little pieces of paper and asking people for their prayer request and writing them down and praying with them. "While I Live" a project where you have a chalk board and ask people what they want to do while they're alive, and getting a chance to talk about their answers and share the gospel. So these were some of the options of ways of doing evangelism. All very creative, but not any less scary for me. I realized very quickly that this week could very easily be the most distressing weeks of my life and that I was facing my biggest fears of talking to strangers, dead on.

      That very first night upon arriving in Glasgow, after an evening of ice breaking and making friends with the other DTS students, we all headed to our various sleeping accommodations within the area we of Glasgow we were staying in called Bridgeton. The boys in one church down from our host church, Champion Life Church, where most of the girls stayed, except for my group which got to stay on the Next Wave. I was filled with joy, despite the thoughts of the weeks schedule on the back of my mind. I decided I'd do this new thing Im learning to do, where you take one step at a time instead of getting overwhelmed by trying to do it all at once. Crazy stuff, I know.

So at this point, Im just so happy to have arrived safely, and be staying on this awesome boat in an awesome cabin with cute little bunks with curtains and personal tube lights. I laid down in my warm bed, with a weird piece in hoping that maybe, just by some one a million chance, I could make it through this week unmarred and maybe even stronger. And over the coarse of the week, thats exactly what God did in my life. Through the teachings from the different speakers I was drawn into asking Gods forgiveness after revelation about the root of my fear of people and that was a huge lack of the fear of God. Not hating what God hates, or loving what God loves. I has made what people thought about me more important then what God thinks of me. And that was the day I began to burn. Burn with this inner fire I had never felt before. I began to want so badly to tell people about Jesus because He loved them so much and I could feel that love in a way I could never conjure up on my own. I went  out to the streets with my group and started stopping every person I passed to ask if they needed prayer and let them know God loved them enough to tell me, some random kid, that he loves them, Not everyone was interested but a few blessed my heart in ways I wont ever forget. Their was a woman who we literally chased down because I knew we were supposed to talk to her and once we began to share, she had tears at the rims of her eyes and she said how she had brought her kid to church once and had been thinking about going, but that now that this had happen, she knew she HAD to go back. Amazing. A few things that God really showed my about Himself was that He enables me to go above and beyond everything I am. From being an introvert, to all my fear and even the things Im good at. With Gods Spirit inside me I'm Lisa at 10,000% My fullest potential. And that we have no say in who God uses to do His will. Not even for ourselves. And if He has called us to do something, He gives you grace to be obedient. And thirdly, the pleasure of knowing in your heart of hearts that you have brought joy to Gods heart, your Heavenly Father's heart, because you chose to obey His will is a peace that cannot be compared. Its perfection and love that boosts your faith in Him like no other.
I left Scotland very sad to leave. God wants those Scotts to know Him so bad and I am blessed to have had the opportunity to have planted seed to see that happen. My only prayer now is that one day I can go back.

DTS: Week 1

Let me just right here right now that as much as a tried not to, I couldn't help but feel like I already knew what to expect from DTS. I had my expectations but I also came feeling that since Ive grown up in YWAM I highly doubted I would be shaken by anything in the classroom. I actually was sure that my real discipleship would begin on the outreach and that the whole lecture phase would be a white noise of things Ive heard all my life. Arrogant as I was, I really couldn't be more wrong about what the teachings did to me. I was right about learning things I have heard all my life, but the longer I'm here the more Im realizing a large aspect of why Im here on the first place.  Bridging the things I know in my head and cementing them in my heart.
 The first week of teaching was entitled, " Hearing God's Voice& The Cross", which might I say, is a really mellow sounding topic name that fooled me into thinking it would actually not be as intense as it ended up being. It was incredible, slightly overwhelming, but incredible all the same. Our speaker was a long time missionary South African woman who spoke about the most foundational parts of Chrisitianity and the cross that really shook me to my core.  Its really hard to write it al down here in detail about what I learned exactly because in all honesty its been a week and Im still processing it all. One thing that hit me hard was how for anyone whose ever accepted Christ has Him within their them already and that my life is a continuous cycle of realizing more and more what He can do through me. We've all heard these thing a thousand times but how often we really take time to think, "Jesus, who conquered death and many miracles, spirit lives inside me and enable me". I challenge you guys the way Im challenging myself each day now, to think about this every time someone asks for prayer especially. His spirit lives within and works through us. Amazing.
I've gained a stronger understanding of the Cross and what happened on it as well. Thinking about nails being pounded into your wrists and feet. Thinking of my sins and temptations, the most obvious ones and even the seemingly innocent ones that in reality are all equal in Gods eyes, that I commit daily. And how Jesus became those sins incarnated to be crucified so they wouldn't keep me away from my Father in Heaven again. Going back to remembering the image of agonizing painful wounds inflicted for me. For my sake. All to tell me that I am not condemned now that I am in Christ, by those things. That now i can come to my God and speak to Him and hear His voice. How can I struggle with forgiveness when I have received such a gift? I know I still do, but all this has really blown my mind.
All these little truths can become so silent in our hearts when we don't take time to just soak them in. It was an intense week for sure. It brought out a lot of things I didn't want to see again, and am still walking through, but just to get a little closer to my faith, my God. Its SO worth it.

DTS-Thank you's+ Getting here

It took me long enough, I know. But I finally have sat down at my generous roommates laptop she's letting me use and write my first of many updates on my DTS experience.

So Ive been here for about..Wow. 16 Days.  Its weird because I feel like I've been here forever but realizing its been just a little over 2 weeks is crazy because Ive done so much in such little time.

But Ill save the details of my first week of teaching for the next post.

What I really wanted to write about right now is actually what it was like before I even got on the plane for DTS. Because thats where this whole adventure began, really.  The provision for everything I needed to get here has absolutely blown my mind. To all my friends and family who have given everything, from the plane tickets to pocket money,  money for my suitcase, winter clothes and a good sleeping bag (Props to Auntie Darcy, the sleeping bag is a LIFESAVER! Thank you!) your support means the world to me. God was already planting the simple truth that my God is the God who provides even before I arrived at the YWAM base!

 Ive been totally overwhelmed by the support  and especially that of my church in Santa Rosa, Chrisitan Mission Fellowship. They made an incredible donation to my DTS and the reason Im so overwhelmed is because they really havent known me very long,  and yet have offered me support as if Ive been a lifelong friend. So if any of you guys read this, vinaka vaka levu. Seriously, the things I'm learning here Im so excited about bringing back home to share and it really has made a huge difference to me that my church family is so excited, not only for me, but for other youth to be discipled. Your support really shows the heart for discipleship you guys have. And I love and miss you all.

And to my youth leaders, Wise and Tina that barbecue fundraiser you guys threw for me blessed my heart. For those of you who don't know Wise, he is a man of few words but a giant heart to see Fijian youth know Jesus, and everyday I believe with you that they will. Thank you so much for you support.

 And to all the gang in Santa Rosa who came out to the BBQ fundraiser, thanks for coming out! You guys turning up like that without your parents forcing you or whatever, and just coming on your own to support me was incredible. You guys are great friends and I pray you'd all be blessed with all that your seeking God out with too.

My flight over was literally the best flight I've  ever had. Considering the fact I flew from Cali to Canada then to England, I was amazed how quick getting from each place was. Gods grace was crazy over me and I knew every step of the way. I arrived on the 17th of September  around lunch time and was greeted by a guy holding a yellow YWAM sign with another DTS student with a mohawk from Texas.  Majority of my DTS are Americans. Which is ironic how I came all the way from America to do my DTS with mostly americans. Funny how God works. 

The YWAM base here is beautiful. Placed in an adorable little town called Harpenden, the campus itself used to be an orphanage. Our dorms are quaint and comfortable. Mine is shared with four other girls, again, all from America except for one we cal our Ecuadorian.

I have to keep reminding myself how short Ive known these girls because already they feel like my sisters and I seriously feel so blessed to love them as I do, because to be honest, I was prepping myself for the worste.lol.

There 31 student sin my DTS and its been awesome to see how quickly we've all become friends and are growing closer as we are all growing closer to God and understanding His call on our lives. Theres something really amazing about being surrounded by people who are pretty much ll my age with such a deep desire to know why God put them in this world. Amazing.

I don't know what else to get you all up to speed on before I write my next post about my first official week of Discipleship Training School. But I think covered most of it. 

Anyways, I love you all, uncles, aunts, cousins, friends, church members, and randoms who have no idea why your reading this in the first place. Again thank you all for your support and seeing me off well. To my mum and dad, I love you guys so much and hope your proud of the foundational values you laid in my heart because now that Im here away from home, I know I certainly am. Via, theres seriously not a day that goes by something awkward or weird happens that I don't think of you and how funny you'd think it would be. I miss you sis, I pray for you and Kama everyday.

Kama! I'm making you something special for youth birthday don't worry, tell mum to show how to mail me stuff, I want one of your drawings in my room. I always brag to everyone how I have the smartest little brother in the world. Because its true. Love you.

Last night I saw a car accident. I know the statistics and I watch the news. Car accidents happen all the time. They happen at an estimate of every 13 minutes. Statistics go out the window when your brought face to face with a group of traumatized young people trying to rescue their injured driver from their car resembling more like a crushed coke can then the hard steel it once was.
  It was so horrible to see and I the mood of our car was completely dampened by the sobering reality that life is so fragile and literally in a blink of an eye, it can end.
Like I mentioned before, Im not naive, Im aware of the dangers that happen on the road, and like life itself, we have no control over what may happen.  I might sound like a complete bore stating something so obvious like how short and fragile life is but my point isn't just that, I just find it amazing how we all know this. We all have the same common knowledge in the back of our minds that we have no idea what a new day holds. Yet somehow we enter each day with an air of confidence and self made plans as if we fate wont ever touch us or dare disrupt our agendas. But thats not the case at all. It wasnt for the the young people in that crazy car accident so why wouldnt it be for you or I?
The image of the driver unconscious and stuck in that rumpled car is engraved in my mind and the whole way home that night left me shaken and in prayer for the victims.
It so easy for me to forget whats the point of each day and every moment of my life, in the mix of the mundane but what last nights incident has humbled me to remember is that it really doesn't take much to come back to the same questions of existence and future. Questions I know will forever unite man kind because even though our answers may differ, each human being has to make a decision to find their answers.
And today I breathe a little easier because I am refined through the tragedy of that car accident that I am completely and unignorably  uncertain of what each day holds. But I do know God and that He did not promise to make my life easy or without trials but he did give His word that those trials would make me better and I would always find hope because of His Spirit that will always be over me (Roman 5:1-5).
Its strange to think how somehow that not getting rid of future trials all together could be compensated by the truth that God is ALWAYS with me. But every time I remember that, peace fills my heart and I know that that knowledge is enough.

The Grumps.

I hate days like this.

Little brother left his toys and drawings on blank sheets of paper everywhere.

Little sister has been kindly asked three times to stop strumming her guitar in the living room, because we're trying to watch T.V.

Little brother yells at little sister for strumming so loud while hes watching power rangers. Power rangers have been playing ALL FREAKING DAY. Im getting tired of hearing the the little brother pleading for little sister to stop playing that retched guitar and little sister is upset that she "doesnt have the freedom to play her music where ever she wants" and that we "Dont own the living room".
 And I, big sister am about three levels over boiling point with all this guitar strumming and power ranger's "dino thunder" business. All the while, a thumping pain has begun mounting in the carve right between my eyes.

Big sister loses her cool.

Yelling at both of the little monsters to chill out and for little sister to S T O P already. Failed attempt. Yelling, a last resort and a futile effort for peace of home.

Counterproductive to the cause, by yelling at little sister, little sister responds, "Jeeze you dont have to scream at us!"

That thumping ache between the eyes is increasing

Im not screaming, Im just trying to ask you guys to please stop,

    Too late. Any effort to reason with these little ones is useless. Ive lost my cool and they've lost their respect for me. And as trivial as arguments among siblings are, they seem to cause a spread of negative energy now in the house.

No one wants to talk to each other. All around us is this unsettling and infuriating spirit of frustration.

It is apparent we have simultaneously contracted  The Grumps.

 Its one thing to just have a bad day but it really is weird how within my family, I guess to prove how we're so connected to eachother, when one of is just being sour to another the rest seem to all match that response.
Mum had a super stiff neck most of last week and it really made me think about the stress we allow into our house that seems to hover over our family. That maybe having the grumps is more then an emotional thing, but has a lot more to do with the conditions of our spiritual and physical bodies.
I went to a friends church a while back and her pastor said something like, "If your living in stress, your not living in the Kingdom of God.
   
How can stress not be apart of life? 
     Life can be so overwhelming. Living can hurt sometimes and loving people opens the door to let them disappoint me and creates a vulnerability where I give them power to know the things that make me happy and make me crazy angry. For so long I've believed that stress is just a human condition I just live with and hopefully get over. I was wrong.

" For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.."
                                            -Romans 14:17
To stress, to allow it into my heart to weigh me down with things of the world is not Gods desire for my life. He died so I can live life to trust in Him to live it abundantly (Rom.5:17). Stress in not just a human condition, its an attack that tries to pull me away from the Kingdom of Peace. The Kingdom I was torn from a long time ago then bought back into by the blood of Jesus.  He freed me from a life a part from Him, and by His grace I can choose not to let stresses of life wear me out.  I have to let go and give it to the Lord, because every moment I let the things that make me so frustrated and stress me out float in my thoughts, is the same moment I take a step out of the place where God is.
Grace is given where it is needed and even if its something as trivial as petty arguments with siblings, grace is still able to carry me out when I choose to call on it to cover me completely. God's grace is always enough. 

.

The Little Monkey

November 26th 2011: Kamaha'okeakua Lomani Kamahoi Gaunavinaka, turned 9 years old :)

You are the answered prayer I prayed when I was just a little younger then you are now.  You're only nine and you're practically at my shoulder height. It freaks me out how fast time is going and how all too soon you'll be towering over your sister and I!
I love watching you learn new things everyday. You love talking about all the wonderful, and occasionally gross, things you learn and even though we complain about how your mouth never seems to stop running, the profound and enlightening things you put together in your head are brilliant.
You have an artistic eye just like your dad and strong desire for logic and truth in Christ like your mum and I pray you'll continue to grow with those inspirations in your heart, but never forget who you are as an individual. There's only one little boy like you in the whole world. And yes, no matter how big you get, you'll always be my little monkey. 

Hope

..Hope does not put us to shame..Romans 5:5 

For those of you who haven't heard of TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms) I highly suggest you check out their website at http://www.twloha.com/ . They are a powerful ministry with a heart to send a message of hope to people living in and through all sorts of struggles in life. Ever since I heard about them by seeing lots people wearing hoodies and t-shirts with "TWLOHA" written on them, I got curious about it and googled it, I ended up watching all their video testimonies of how it all got started and the different campaigns and conferences they hold and  I was so touched.
Even as a teenager, I know first hand the detrimental feeling of hopelessness and the sense of loneliness that often accompanies it. As a young person its heartbreaking and overwhelming to have so many friends in my age group experience turmoil and depression in their lives, and not really know what say or do. The saddest part is how after a while of being exposed to the depression they go through, and having them confess to things like cutting,binge drinking, drugs or promiscuity, I couldn't ever help feeling so helpless. Here are these people, my friends, each with these amazing qualities choosing lifestyles that I know will ruin them, but the fact they are my friends means I know first hand the heaviness prompting that need for those lifestyles as an outlet. I know the choice to live a self-destructive lifestyle is not Gods desire for us, His children, but in reality I wonder, how can I tell them to not go down that road when I've never personally gone through the brokenness of having a family member abuse me or looked in the mirror and hated every little thing looking back at me.
I get caught in this dilemma,a push and pull of knowing what is right and Gods calling upon our lives and if that realistically  translates in the real world and in their lives.
 What I believe God has shown me as time goes on in my life, is that His Words are truly applicable at every point and every situation in my life. A very broad statement, I know, but that's because  I believe God is a very broad being. Whose wisdom and knowledge surpasses everything ever said or taught.
So broad that He can even hold the ability to cover things and heal them.
Hope is so easy to sing about and talk about and tell people to have, but when you put yourself in a position of empathy, I believe its there you and your ideals of hope and what it truly is are truly tested.

Hope is not just a nice feeling or a pleasant word of encouragement. Hope is power. Hope is faith that despite what life looks like now, despite the emptiness of despair and brokenness. Hope is a place once called forsaken now a place where God can dwell(Isaiah 6:24).