The Grumps.

I hate days like this.

Little brother left his toys and drawings on blank sheets of paper everywhere.

Little sister has been kindly asked three times to stop strumming her guitar in the living room, because we're trying to watch T.V.

Little brother yells at little sister for strumming so loud while hes watching power rangers. Power rangers have been playing ALL FREAKING DAY. Im getting tired of hearing the the little brother pleading for little sister to stop playing that retched guitar and little sister is upset that she "doesnt have the freedom to play her music where ever she wants" and that we "Dont own the living room".
 And I, big sister am about three levels over boiling point with all this guitar strumming and power ranger's "dino thunder" business. All the while, a thumping pain has begun mounting in the carve right between my eyes.

Big sister loses her cool.

Yelling at both of the little monsters to chill out and for little sister to S T O P already. Failed attempt. Yelling, a last resort and a futile effort for peace of home.

Counterproductive to the cause, by yelling at little sister, little sister responds, "Jeeze you dont have to scream at us!"

That thumping ache between the eyes is increasing

Im not screaming, Im just trying to ask you guys to please stop,

    Too late. Any effort to reason with these little ones is useless. Ive lost my cool and they've lost their respect for me. And as trivial as arguments among siblings are, they seem to cause a spread of negative energy now in the house.

No one wants to talk to each other. All around us is this unsettling and infuriating spirit of frustration.

It is apparent we have simultaneously contracted  The Grumps.

 Its one thing to just have a bad day but it really is weird how within my family, I guess to prove how we're so connected to eachother, when one of is just being sour to another the rest seem to all match that response.
Mum had a super stiff neck most of last week and it really made me think about the stress we allow into our house that seems to hover over our family. That maybe having the grumps is more then an emotional thing, but has a lot more to do with the conditions of our spiritual and physical bodies.
I went to a friends church a while back and her pastor said something like, "If your living in stress, your not living in the Kingdom of God.
   
How can stress not be apart of life? 
     Life can be so overwhelming. Living can hurt sometimes and loving people opens the door to let them disappoint me and creates a vulnerability where I give them power to know the things that make me happy and make me crazy angry. For so long I've believed that stress is just a human condition I just live with and hopefully get over. I was wrong.

" For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.."
                                            -Romans 14:17
To stress, to allow it into my heart to weigh me down with things of the world is not Gods desire for my life. He died so I can live life to trust in Him to live it abundantly (Rom.5:17). Stress in not just a human condition, its an attack that tries to pull me away from the Kingdom of Peace. The Kingdom I was torn from a long time ago then bought back into by the blood of Jesus.  He freed me from a life a part from Him, and by His grace I can choose not to let stresses of life wear me out.  I have to let go and give it to the Lord, because every moment I let the things that make me so frustrated and stress me out float in my thoughts, is the same moment I take a step out of the place where God is.
Grace is given where it is needed and even if its something as trivial as petty arguments with siblings, grace is still able to carry me out when I choose to call on it to cover me completely. God's grace is always enough. 

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The Little Monkey

November 26th 2011: Kamaha'okeakua Lomani Kamahoi Gaunavinaka, turned 9 years old :)

You are the answered prayer I prayed when I was just a little younger then you are now.  You're only nine and you're practically at my shoulder height. It freaks me out how fast time is going and how all too soon you'll be towering over your sister and I!
I love watching you learn new things everyday. You love talking about all the wonderful, and occasionally gross, things you learn and even though we complain about how your mouth never seems to stop running, the profound and enlightening things you put together in your head are brilliant.
You have an artistic eye just like your dad and strong desire for logic and truth in Christ like your mum and I pray you'll continue to grow with those inspirations in your heart, but never forget who you are as an individual. There's only one little boy like you in the whole world. And yes, no matter how big you get, you'll always be my little monkey. 

Hope

..Hope does not put us to shame..Romans 5:5 

For those of you who haven't heard of TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms) I highly suggest you check out their website at http://www.twloha.com/ . They are a powerful ministry with a heart to send a message of hope to people living in and through all sorts of struggles in life. Ever since I heard about them by seeing lots people wearing hoodies and t-shirts with "TWLOHA" written on them, I got curious about it and googled it, I ended up watching all their video testimonies of how it all got started and the different campaigns and conferences they hold and  I was so touched.
Even as a teenager, I know first hand the detrimental feeling of hopelessness and the sense of loneliness that often accompanies it. As a young person its heartbreaking and overwhelming to have so many friends in my age group experience turmoil and depression in their lives, and not really know what say or do. The saddest part is how after a while of being exposed to the depression they go through, and having them confess to things like cutting,binge drinking, drugs or promiscuity, I couldn't ever help feeling so helpless. Here are these people, my friends, each with these amazing qualities choosing lifestyles that I know will ruin them, but the fact they are my friends means I know first hand the heaviness prompting that need for those lifestyles as an outlet. I know the choice to live a self-destructive lifestyle is not Gods desire for us, His children, but in reality I wonder, how can I tell them to not go down that road when I've never personally gone through the brokenness of having a family member abuse me or looked in the mirror and hated every little thing looking back at me.
I get caught in this dilemma,a push and pull of knowing what is right and Gods calling upon our lives and if that realistically  translates in the real world and in their lives.
 What I believe God has shown me as time goes on in my life, is that His Words are truly applicable at every point and every situation in my life. A very broad statement, I know, but that's because  I believe God is a very broad being. Whose wisdom and knowledge surpasses everything ever said or taught.
So broad that He can even hold the ability to cover things and heal them.
Hope is so easy to sing about and talk about and tell people to have, but when you put yourself in a position of empathy, I believe its there you and your ideals of hope and what it truly is are truly tested.

Hope is not just a nice feeling or a pleasant word of encouragement. Hope is power. Hope is faith that despite what life looks like now, despite the emptiness of despair and brokenness. Hope is a place once called forsaken now a place where God can dwell(Isaiah 6:24).

CNA Diaries: Week 1

One week into my Certified Nurse Assistant (CNA) training done and I nearly was too. Since Im taking my class with the Red Cross the coarse  differs a little from the usual as it is completed within the full span of six weeks. So as you can imagine they pack an incredible (-ly painful ha ha) amount of skills needed from us as CNA's. The skills themselves  plainly involve simple things from hand washing (Yes, we actually do get tested on this..OVER and OVER) and making beds to taking vital signs, giving bed baths serving meals and lots of detailed work in between.  But in all honesty, the academics and memorization involved was actually a very small part of the pain of the first week. The real challenge? Getting along with fellow classmates.

 I love getting to know new people. I think its incredible how diverse peoples lives can be yet somehow, can also be interwoven and similar in so many ways. Being in a new classroom setting was something I looked forward too. This coarse is also the stepping stone of my nurse prerequisites Im wanting to complete before applying for  pre-nursing, so I was excited about being in an adult class. I was looking forward to learn as much as I could about being a CNA as well as adulthood because I thought Id probably be one of the younger class members and surrounded by the maturity I thought Id be surrounded with, I couldn't imagine a better learning environment, right? 

  

Wrong.

Apparently things like, "general class etiquette" or "common courtesy" are not so general or common. Eating food loudly, talking at the same sound level as the teacher to others sitting near, texting, and snide comments about how "under qualified" out instructor (Who is an RN which is more then any of us can try to match up to right now seeing as how we are all STILL STUDENTS) is. Theres no excuse for it either, age wise I mean. They are all out of high school and majority of them are parents to small children. That kind of behavior is just rude but the blatant disrespect of a not just a instructor but simply another human being is paralleled by the fact that the class we were in was limited and there was a full waiting list of people who genuinely wanted to be here and maybe even were in dire need of income through CNA certification
 Being at this new point in my life where Im seeking out a lot more independence I feel myself looking at the world with new eyes and seeing things Ive never thought about around me and in people. And Ive realised that even through each moment in at this point in my life is a new lesson.
So heres a first:
 

#1:    Age does not define maturity level.

There's a bunch of reason a person doesn't act their age Im sure, but through this past week of class Ive realised that that demographic is a lot wider then I thought.

And with that I take rest..A whole new weeks continues..Dear God give me grace not strangle anyone.

Paiute Reservation Weekend Mission Trip-Aug.2011

Being back and settled three days now at home in Santa Rosa I feel a lot more organized to tell what went on weekend before last.  My mum drove me down to join  this youth group I was invited to join  in Sacramento lead by Bill and Kula Ramanikiwai (Old friends of my parents) and their three kids (good friends of mine) called Fuzion. Its a a combined group from youths of different churches. 

   I was intimidated thinking about how I didn't know majority of the youth and was now going to go on a three day mission trip with them. Then I felt the Holy Spirit really speak peace to my own spirit reminding me of my purpose in this whole thing and I felt a sense of calm and confidence to just blend and get to know this seemingly friendly enough bunch of young people. And sure enough, it really didn't take long to feel connected and apart of them. That feeling alone reaffirmed something God has been calling me to walk out for a while. If He brings me into a place he also covers me with His grace which enables me to reach out to people  wherever.
        After all the thirty plus youth were divided into designated vans we were off to Nixon, Nevada. A four hour drive of singing, laughing and snacking finally brought us to Nixon. Then came the beginning of the drive into the reservation. The drive was fascinatingly beautiful. The sun setting over hills of desert landscape made the land just golden. The desolation and quiet of the desert approaching evening was such a grand entrance to the Paiute Reservation.

We stayed at a little school. The girls in a make-shift bedroom originally a classroom and the boys camped out in the gym. We spent our first night meeting the pastor of the local church we were to work with, and his family and playing volleyball. The next day started early with devotions lead by one of the Fuzion Youth leaders. We spent the day weeding an orchard for the reservation and then had a lovo dinner and did dances to mingle with the locals. The last day (Sunday) we did door to door evangelism.

It was my first time doing door to door without an adult and the nervousness hit me once we on the doorstep of someones house. 

   This is where I really took something deep from the whole trip. When I look at my patterns at pivotal points of my life too many a time something has seemed to rob me of choosing to go through them and instead of taking step forward, I wind up taking a step backwards or stepping down altogether. Fear. Crippling and stifling fear. 

Doing door to door evangelism challenged me to my core. How far and how willing was I to follow through with what God has asked of me?  I wondered. The enemy had used fear of failure way to long in my life. And as the door to door came I realized how tired I was of missing out on what God had beyond challenges HE brought me to. How completely done I was with letting the enemy come in between me and deeper waters the Lord desires me to dive into. But I think the  most fresh revelation from the whole experience was what I was doing, inviting people to church, sharing with them the love I know all to well Jesus holds for each one of us on this Earth, was beyond me and my insecurities and whatever I feel I lack to do in the will of God, He makes up for as I trust Him. And that's what faith truly is.

        Being able to be challenged how I was that whole weekend on different levels was a delight. I feel rejuvenated but this time in a more substantial way because its not of my doing nor based on some other person. God has shown me fear for what it truly is. A lie and a barrier. I'm done with barriers holding me back and by Gods grace, I have more understanding of how to look past them and trust God for whatever I lack.